do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared
All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.
This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.
This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:
Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.
YO. ALL OF THIS^. Michelangelo was hella grumpy all of the time. It was fantastic.
However, as beautiful as this commentary is, I’m gonna make a little correction. The Pope isn’t the one in hell getting his balls bitten; that guy is actually the Papal Minister of Ceremonies a the time, Biagio de Cesena.
See, when Michelangelo was painting this, as you said, lots of people were uncomfortable with all of the nudity (especially because the Last Judgement [back wall mural] was painted much later when nudity in religious art was even more controversial than before), but the dude who was the angriest was de Cesena.
He was so angry that he reportedly burst in on Michelangelo while he was working (which is already a big no-no because Michelangelo’s requirements for working were mostly “fuck the hell off and leave me alone or else I quit and I will stab you in the eye with my paintbrush/chisel”.). He then proceeds to tell Michelangelo that this fresco is disgusting and obscene and shame on him etc etc. He also referred to it as “i stui di nudi”, which means “A stew of nudes” which is one of the best descriptions of a thing ever, if you ask me.
So Michelangelo, probably on the cusp of homicide is like “Thank you for the notes. Now get the fuck out,” and de Cesena reluctantly does.
Later, he comes to see the finished product and finds that Michelangelo had painted his portrait down in Hell to represent the Minos, King of the Dead. He has the ears of an ass and the above described crotch biting snake:
Upon seeing this and being enraged, de Cesena went to the Pope to demand that it be changed and that Michelangelo be punished. However, the Pope was SO incredibly done dealing with Michelangelo’s snark, tantrums, and general hatred of the world and everyone in it, that he didn’t want to do shit.
The Pope’s response to him was literally to say “As Pope, I have a lot of influence on Earth and up in Heaven, but I have no jurisdiction in Hell. You’re shit out of luck.”
And it stayed.
Michelangelo, grade A artist, snark master, and professional dick.
Jennifer Lawrence on her nude picture leak (Vanity Fair)
This is an awesome response. I have no idea why anyone should have to apologize for taking nude photos and sharing with someone. The only people that should have to say sorry are the people who stole them from her without consent.
Whenever I think I can’t love Jennifer Lawrence more, she proves me wrong.
I started to write an apology, but I don’t have anything to say I’m sorry for. I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you.
"So I met this man, who was very young, as I was. We went out for dinner in a group, with people I didn’t know. And there it was. I didn’t speak English, he didn’t speak French. I haven’t a clue how we managed. The miracle of love…
Years later at the Waldorf in New York, where I had a very nice suite, I invited Miles to dinner. The face of the maitre d’hotel when he came in was indescribable. After two hours, the food was more or less thrown in our faces. The meal was long and painful, and then he left.
At four o’clock in the morning I got a call from Miles, who was in tears. “I couldn’t come by myself,” he said. “I don’t ever want to see you again here, in a country where this kind of relationship is impossible.” I suddenly understood that I’d made a terrible mistake, from which came a strange feeling of humiliation that I’ll never forget. In America his colour was made blatantly obvious to me, whereas in Paris I didn’t even notice that he was black.
Between Miles and me there was a great love affair, the kind you’d want everybody to experience. Throughout our lives, we were never lost to each other. Whenever he could, he would leave messages for me in the places I travelled in Europe: “I was here, you weren’t.”
He came to see me at my house a few months before he died. He was sitting in the drawing room and at one point I went to the verandah to look at the garden. I heard his devilish laugh. I asked him what had provoked it. “No matter where I was,” he said, “in whatever corner of the world, looking at that back, I’d know it was you.”
- The French singer and actress, Juliette Gréco, in an essay for The Guardian on her romance with Miles Davies
Hi everyone, As you may or may not know, I’ve been dealt a pretty rotten hand in the last few months. After an infection and intra-cranial aneurysm, I’ve been left with blown pupils, intractable migraine, and partial blindness. Hopefully all of this is not permanent, but for now I cannot work,…
One of my boyfriends’ good friends has been having a tough time… bad medical problems are hard enough, but a misunderstanding caused her to lose ALL her warm clothing right before winter. If you’re from PA, or have ever been here… you know how cold it gets. I’d appreciate any kind of signal boost you can give in terms of reblogs, donations, whatever. I’m going to get her some clothing drive stuff, but I know that won’t be enough. Thank you :)
So let me tell you why this is bullshit.
That “cure” everyone is talking about? It isn’t a cure. It’s a drug that hadn’t even been tested on humans before we gave it to those two Americans (who were white, yes, but were also in a missionary group trying to improve the lives of African children it’s not like they were fucking tourists or something). They could have both fucking died on the spot. The only reason they even gave this unfinished, untested drug to them is because the mortality rate for ebola is like 90% anyway so they thought why the fuck not.
Now let’s have a little thought experiment for you dipshits who seriously don’t understand the situation. Imagine we gave this “cure” to every single person in Nigeria, Guinea, Sierra Leone, and Liberia (yeah, it’s pretty fucking ignorant to just call them all “Africans”) infected with ebola (getting around the fact that it would be just about impossible to diagnose and treat every single one of them in time)… and they all died anyway. The “cure” didn’t work.
You same fuckwads would lose your shit over that. “AMERICAN DRUG KILLS AFRICANS”, you would say. It would be all over Tumblr: “WHY DIDN’T THEY TEST THIS MORE BEFORE GIVING IT OUT OMG” and “USING AFRICANS AS TEST RATS FOR EBOLA DRUG SO WHITE PEOPLE DONT HAVE TO #RACISM”.
You can’t really be so ignorant that you seriously think it would be a good idea to ship crates of this hitherto-unknown, untested drug to West Africa and just hope for the best.